"When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
so thats what i wanted to do and follow, but then i ended up telling ppl who asked why i didn't eat or eat other foods and all, but then a friend told me that it's not about what youre not eating or giving up, but where your heart is in glorifying God. and that's so true. but i didn't go and tell everyone, but whoever asked.
but anywayyyyyy~~
this past 3 weeks were awesome. no really, it was! yeaaaaaaa~ i couldn't eat the food i wanted to eat and were on a strict diet (as i followed the daniel fast food list - with the exception of eating fish&some seafood), God revealed my shortcomings and weaknesses, as well as put my words into action. my purpose and prayers while i was doing this was four things...
1. purity -- to be freed from my past and purified physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.
2. discipline -- in all aspects of my life, especially self-discipiling myself spiritually and fixing my weakness.
3. desire -- desiring God more and more and always being dependent on Him.
4. clarity -- in my future within the education field and/or some kind of ministry and finding my path in how to go about it.
with these four things in mind, i started it. honestly, the first 2 weeks, i was a bit lazy, not doing much. but during the first week, as i was reading through Deuteronomy 23:21-23,
"If you make a vow to the LORD your God, do not be slow to pay it, for the LORD your God will certainly demand it of you and you will be guilty of sin. But if you refrain from making a vow, you will not be guilty. Whatever your lips utter you must be sure to do, because you made your vow freely to the LORD your God with your own mouth."
it says that if we vow to God saying that "i will do this," then i have to do it because i made a vow with God. and i remember on tuesday, 5/11, i wanted to give up on this so badly, but then i read this verse and a part of was like "whoaaa~ i'll get in trouble if i don't do this." so it kind of scared me because i didn't want to get in trouble with God and plus, if i said i'd do it, then i have to. so here was the start of putting my words into action. the problem with me was that i said i would do it and i do... i start it, but then i kind of start to get lazy and not want to do it, but these verses popped out like stars shining on a dark night so brightly that i didn't want to mess with and keep going.
and so one weakness God showed me was that i lack perseverance. and God showed me that this was a pattern in my life. i get so excited at the beginning, but then towards the end, i crash because i lose confidence in myself and my self-esteem goes down, down, down...
and it was things like this that God continued to reveal to me. He showed me how lazy i am when i'm by myself, not surrounded by people because people don't see me privately. but then when i am around people or especially at my job, i get things done on time and everything. but then im being a totally 2 faced person. im not being genuine or authentic. my private life is not the same as my public life. i didn't want to make a fool out of myself so i would act "goody goody" in a way. but that's so wrong. i want to be a transparent Christian -- not a hypocrite, wearing a mask. i want to be genuine and authentic and real -- not fake. and these two weaknesses were so evident in my life, but i was so blinded by my habits. i wasn't being true to myself and others, especially God.
so slowly, i believe that God was purifying my heart and my habits and myself, teaching me self-discipline in developing a Godly habit of reading the bible and praying and focusing on God, always depending on God through prayers and His words. and not only that, slowly, God is teaching me patience and i'm learning how to persevere through tough times, like studying and passing the praxis for me. i was so caught up in myself and constantly putting myself down that the attention was on me and not on God. i was doing this for myself, and not for God. the reason why i wanted to go into the education field was to bring the lost back to God, especially working through the children to give them light&hope in this world. i want to share the love&joy with those who need it the most. i know God has given me a vision to lead the children/youth of this future generation. and just as my youth pastor told me, if i can't even hurdle over the praxis test, then what will i ever achieve for His kingdom, right? heh, and through this realization, i found the urgency to really focus, pass my praxis, and carry out the will of God in my life. although i don't know exactly how God will lead me, i trust in Him and will follow without turning back :)
and to end it all, today's service was just beautiful! :) the Holy Spirit was definitely with us as we were praising and worshipping God. it was just a beautiful way to end this fast, knowing that God is always with us as long as we open our hearts for the Spirit to come within us. just as new wine cannot be poured into old wineskin because the old wineskin will burst, but when new wine is poured into the new wineskin, it will not burst (matthew 9:16-17). so i cannot be like an old wineskin because i will fall back to my old ways and everything [all that God gave me] will fall out, but being a new wineskin, nothing will burst out. haha but you know what i mean, right? heh, i tried.... :P
but yes. finally... God's been ever so amazing and even more so real the past 3 weeks. He is truly a God of Wonders!! and im sooOooOOOOo excited and sooOOoOooO joyful inside and i honestly can't wait as He continues to transform me and prepare me to a sanctuary! and i challenge those who are really wanting to seek God and transform yourselves, to do this daniel fast. but of course, be really convicted to do so and pray about it before you begin. but don't worry about not being able to eat the food you want or anything, through it all God will not only reveal what you ask for, but also humble you more than you think. don't do it for yourself, but for God and changing yourself to advance for His kingdom. and so i leave you with this praise song :)
Lord prepare me to be a sanctuary
pure and holy, tried and true
with thanksgiving, i'll be a living
sanctuary for you
it is you Lord who came to save
the heart and soul of every man
it is you Lord who knows my weakness
who gives me strength, with thine own hand.
lead me on Lord from temptation
purify me from within
fill my heart with your Holy Spirit
take away all my sin
keep it up angie, you are a huge encouragement to me!
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