hellooo??

(in dr. john kim's voice) hellooooooo???
     ^dr. kim is so awesome. just amazing and oh so wonderful! :) but as dr. kim kept saying, we should be praising and thanking God, for it is not dr. kim who does it, but God. amen to that!

an amazing weekend it was! praise God!! :D now that i look back at this weekend, that's what God's been saying to me. He was like "hellooo?? hellooo??" He called me on the phone trying to get a hold of me, but i picked up and quickly dropped the receiver, letting it hang in the air with the cords going up&down because i was distracted by other things....

but... thank you, Father, for waking me up! for persistently calling out to me! how wonderful, how amazing you are to call out to me. im so unworthy, but, yet... you embrace me in your arms... thank you, Lord. thank you for your love.

you know, i realized this last night... there is no doubt in my mind that it was God all along who's been controlling in my life since this past summer. i can see God moving the pieces to the front, to the back, to the left, to the right so vividly... i think God strategically placed all the people in my life for a reason with few of my close girlfriends to p.jae to discipleship girls to CR teammates to missionary Jonathan and everyone at the Abraham Project (the interns: abby, rach, shania) to dr. kim. they were all meant to be. God has specifically placed these man and woman of faith to teach me, to show me what faith is. i guess i didn't really understand what faith was until i met these people. they are all at a different level in their faith, but i was and still am encouraged by their faith in God. their genuine, loving hearts that yearns for God is so beautiful.

the most amazing person i've met so far was dr. kim. i'm so thankful to have met him and to have heard him speak. his testimony was just amazing. i've learned so much through him:

• confession. conviction. brokenness. repentance. forgiven. loved.
• plug into the power of the Holy Spirit to be recharged, to be energized.
• first sign of when God really transforms you = life style changes.
• time is... an opportunity. a resource. LIFE. cannot be spent like money. equally distributed.
• no revival without repentance. God can only give the revival.
• God wants you to take ownership because no leadership without ownership. 
• seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all things will be added unto you.
• fame, fortune, fun -- for Christ.
• be still. wait.

all these things i've learned are the things i needed to hear to take the next step in my walk with Christ. i've learned so much and i didn't know exactly how to go about it. with discipleship, i learned that head knowledge is important, but also what it means to be vulnerable and surrendering it all to God, repenting my sins. and through it, i found the peace and joy within God. the old is gone and new has come in Jesus Christ. but then after discipleship i asked myself, "what now?" i was so consumed by this question and going to Costa Rica (CR) with this in the back of my mind wasn't helpful at all. honestly, in the beginning of CR missions, it felt like i was on a trip and i wasn't sure why i was there. i mean, when i was in New Mexico or Cambodia, i knew why i was there, my heart was prepared for it and had some kind of expectation. i'm not saying i didn't expect anything from CR, but it wasn't as clear as it was with NM or Cambodia. however, a week after i got back, i found it. this little light bulb went off! and there was God, revealing to me why i was there in CR. it was for me to not only service, but to be served by the faithful disciples of God. i was to learn from their words, their actions, their life style. it was such a blessing and an encouragement to have met everyone at the Abraham Project and for my teammates who are totally amazing! 

and then again, God placed me at the vision retreat to show me what it means to be a faithful, humble, servant of God -- dr. kim. his testimonies and messages were just what i needed to hear. i mean i knew it, but to hear it from another person's experience and be reminded once again and to learn new things -- was such a blessing. i feel like God has been just blessing with so many great things. and through the retreat, God has reaffirmed my heart for the brokenness in children's lives, helping them find hope and give them a hope in their future through educating them. i kind of doubted my reasoning for wanting to go into the inner city to teach, but i'm about 90% sure that God has called me there. all the people i talked to so far had told me i shouldn't, especially since it'll be my first year teaching ((thats if i get a teaching position in the first place haha)) and i shouldn't go if i wasn't called for it... but i think i am. like i said, i'm about 90% sure. i just need to pray for that last 10% because i don't want to go into something that i cannot do. and i know that God doesn't give me things that i can't handle, unless it was out of my own stubbornness... which i pray that it's not... so that 10% reeeeeeally needs to be confirmed. heh, dont got much time..... 

heh, anyways, as i look back at the last few months of my life, its a life changing experience. no doubt about it. i've always known that God was in control of my life, but to feel it, see it, and experience it at another level is WOW. i know i have grown so much in the past few months because of God's grace and love and peace that was sown in my heart. without the struggles, challenges, and difficulties that i had to face, i wouldn't be where i am and who i am now. i'm still growing, struggling, and facing challenges, but i welcome it all with open arms. i know that there is something bigger and better that waits at the end of the tunnel, shining oh so brightly with things that i have never imagined before :)

so, now what? well, all i have to do is put all that i've learned [[especially the bullets points up there]] into action. this will be challenging, heh :P its always easier said than done, but i'm up for the challenge. are you?